I can't go into detail without compromising the privacy of a few others I care about, but let me overshare that the past 8 months have been some of the most disruptive of my life. Those who are part of my group "Uncommon Minds" know this; as an ADD adult, I am subject to dysphoria - unexpected, prolonged anxiety storms that are of horrific intensity. The one I experienced in August-Sept 2019 was my seventh, lifetime, and by far the most severe. Friends of mine have had similar experiences. One took his own life in 2014.
In the space of weeks, everything in my world changed, much for the worse. But I was also led back into my world of long ago, reconnecting with a family I had once been an adopted part of. This became a rich experience, reassuring me of who I really am, beyond the moment. Again, I can't give details, but I was in the presence of real wisdom and understanding - and the losses I had suffered from my illness were more than compensated for. I was able to get back on the horse quickly, and found that my nervous system's jolt had really been for the better.
I went into a wordstorm that lasted months and months. Since August, I have written/completed 15 books. And though my books are frivolous, my professional writing isn't - I'm well-paid for it, and I TRIPLED my output, lifetime. I've never had a better year.
I had planned to return to school in January, but a greater financial priority (and some health issues) presented, and so I changed course. And I took the time to learn from that wise someone.
It turns out that I'm not as evolved as I believed myself to be; for all my book-learnin' 'bout brains, my own is more fragile than I ever dreamed. I thought I had gone far in these past 20 years - turns out, the truth is I have far to go.
To sum up, I'm facing these upcoming months of trials and challenges feeling not so strong, despite unprecedented success in vocation and career. I can do more than I've ever been able to before - and yet, in the ways that really matter, I'm at my weakest. And now we're all isolated from one another, at the worst possible time (for me). Fortunately, I have several really fantastic friends right now, and they've got my back.
Going full circle, reconnecting with my past, got me back on the right road - just not as far along it as I might have wanted. Many miles stretch out ahead of me, and I am facing them with uncertainty.
(Why is he telling us this?)
I'm telling you this because I have realized I'm not as dysphoria-proof as I thought. And I don't want to end up like my friend.
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