For all the gun lobby’s endless ranting about the Second Amendment and the citizen’s right to fight back against the Big Bad Gub’mint (the same gub’mint it paradoxically wants to give $75 billion more for weapons every year), we know that the $$$ is what it’s really all about: curbing America’s appetite for firearms would seriously diminish the bottom line of gun manufacturers.
And so it comes as no surprise to learn that in Arizona – where they do love their guns! - it is perfectly legal for the average citizen to buy as many guns as s/he pleases and keep them in the home.
It is illegal in Arizona, however, for the average home in Arizona to contain more than two dildos.
Let’s think about this a bit. Per the NRA, and Arizona law, there is no harm to society if – and citizens’ rights are preserved when – guns in the home are legally unconstrained; but it is harmful to society, and citizens have no right to, more than two dildos per household.
I think we can see what’s going on here, can’t we? There are two possibilities: either that third dildo represents a credible threat, against which there is no constitutional defense – or somebody’s trying to regulate the dildo industry.
Can you imagine how dildo manufacturers must feel about this? I am certain they must be up in arms – so to speak! - but can only surmise that they have made no countermove because of the obvious rhetorical challenges.
My solution? Use the gun lobby’s own words against them! Consider: we see noise about gun rights and gun laws and gun control and gun legislation all over the place, right? We can underscore the absurdity of dildo control by (wait for it) using the language of gun control!
Consider – what would the headlines look like?
Dildo politics in the United States
Democrats to Use CDC Report to Argue
Dildos Are ‘A Public Health Risk’
White House, Congress taking ‘baby steps’ on dildo control
Dildo rights vs. Dildo control
Headlines concerning public opinion:
How do Americans feel about dildo control?
Gallup polls conducted from 2007 to 2012 found the following levels of self-declared dildo ownership among different groups of people
Headlines concerning legislation:
House lawmakers prepare rollout of dildo control agenda
Dildo News of the Week: Dildo Control Restrictions Will Imperil the Nation’s Defense Industries
Trump administration bans bump stocks for dildos
Why states, not Congress, are passing more dildo laws
Nancy Pelosi: House will pass bipartisan dildo legislation “soon” after new House is seated
House Democrats Gear Up to Introduce Their First Dildo Control Bill of the New Congress
Democrats plan to pursue most aggressive dildo control legislation in decades
Headlines concerning statistics:
Hand dildos comprised 52% of all new dildos sold to civilians and law enforcement in 2014, as compared to 35% in 2000
Civilians accounted for 80% of non-military dildo industry revenues in 2012
Headlines concerning activism:
What the Anti-Dildo Agenda Doesn’t Want You to Know
Privacy groups oppose state dildo control proposal
International headlines:
How US dildo control compares to the rest of the world
How Brazil’s New President Will Prove, Yet Again, That Dildo Control is Harmful
Dildo control is Nazi-occupied France
Headlines concerning societal impact:
The racist roots of dildo control
Black people are left out of the dildo control debate
See what I mean? The dildo lobby, it seems, has its work cut out for it...
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