Among the imperative concerns raised these past few years by the discourse of an untethered Oval Occupant has been the loosening of implicit social norms. It’s my feeling that one in particular should be considered in open forum, and perhaps re-anchored in the national gestalt: the mention of one’s genitals.
I refer, of course, to the Occupant’s mention of his own on the Republican primary debate stage prior to his election, when Marco “Little” Rubio made note of Trump’s small hands, prompting the latter to reassure an anxious electorate that there were “no problems” with his genitals. Setting aside Stormy Daniels’ later assertion to the contrary, this jaw-dropping moment became the exception that proves the rule: genitals in general may be open for discussion, but one’s own are not.
We were stunned not much later by the Access Hollywood video parading Trump’s attitude toward the grabbing of female genitals, but this shocker was different in kind: it made reference not to the genitals of any particular individual, but to those of an entire gender. To be sure, this represented the violation of a social norm, but this violation occurs all the time: each gender discusses the genitals of the other with members of its own, under certain social conditions. This is not the same as bringing up one’s own in mixed company.
The thing is, this implicit social norm is just that – implicit. It is never articulated, at any level, in the course of human socialization.
Note the contrast between this norm and the others that are carefully inculcated. The authority figures in our lives make very certain that we know, for instance, which words not to say, by instructing us never to say them and punishing us when we do.
We are never told by our parents, early in life, We don’t talk about our winky to others! We are never instructed by our teachers or other caregivers, as schoolchildren, Don’t discuss your vulva in casual conversation! Don’t mention your penis in the lunchroom!
Yet this regulation exists firmly in all of our minds, despite the absence of formal censure. We knew, somehow, not to say “My hoo-ha itches!” in homeroom. We never uttered “This jockstrap cramps my willy!” in the dugout.
This is not to say, of course, that genitals haven’t made their word into public nomenclature. In corporate boardrooms, for instance, we might hear something like, “Those federal auditors have us by the short hairs!” or “The CFO thinks we really took it in the balls with the Hanson Merger!” This, of course, isn’t actual genital discussion; it’s euphemism. The auditors are not actually reaching into undergarments, and the CFO’s testicles have suffered no assault.
But I know, without ever being told, that it would not go over well if I offer thoughts or observations about my John Thomas at Thanksgiving Dinner (unless, of course, I actually know someone named John Thomas). It’s a sure path to permanent disinvitation.
And so I’m now wondering, given the ease with which the Oval Occupant has overturned so many other social and political norms, if this one too is doomed, sans an initiative to salvage it.
How would that work? Do we take up overt indoctrination of young children into this norm, rather than letting it simply spread passively from brain to brain? Do we sit our children down in their preschool years and forbid them? Do we add this to the schoolteacher’s coaching of classroom etiquette in the preadolescent years? Does it make its way into new employee manuals?
My anxiety over this impending crisis has not overwhelmed my sense of what is realistically achievable – all of those approaches seem like overkill to me. My inclination is to rely on what we know will work, and in this case it’s simple correction-by-punishment.
If the child who pops off in class with “I really like my ding-dong!” goes uncorrected, it’s the teacher who gets punished. That’s where I think we can place our hopes; three years ago, candidate Trump opined about his ding-dong on the Republican debate stage, and he’s been the Oval Occupant ever since.
We’re the teacher. The past three years have been our punishment.
Now we know to never let the child go uncorrected again.
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