My last long-term relationship was amazing.
I’m a bookworm, as so many ADD adults are. I live for books, knowledge, new ideas. I have always had a deep fascination with the world, but well past 50, I still hadn’t seen much of it. I was always happy with my books and music.
Then I fell in love with a woman who, to put it mildly, changed my life from top to bottom. It was by far the best relationship I’d ever been in, and she helped me arise from a life of self-satisfied amusement to a new and better life of true accomplishment, authentic faith in myself, courage to become more than I was, and an enthusiastic explorer of the world.
Across four years together, we made trip after trip together. We saw both oceans. I went to a foreign country for the first time (not counting Canada). We spent weekends in cabins. We made repeated excursions into the Smoky Mountains. We went kayaking. We went on a cruise (my first). We visited endless bed-and-breakfasts. We hiked in the woods. We found a favorite creek and sat beside it often. We took in a Big Band evening. We stargazed. We saw the Grand Canyon (me for the first time). We saw dozens and dozens of movies in big-screen theaters (the ones with reclining seats that serve wine). We joined a wine club. We cultivated a close circle of friends and did fun things with them often (including some of the travel). We took our kids with us, often. We tried new foods. We took long walks.
I’ve never had so much fun in my life, and it awakened a part of me I didn’t know existed. I’m still a bookworm, and I still love doing what I’m doing this minute – sitting at a keyboard, writing – but I’ll never go back to the life I lived before she entered my world.
My point: like me, most ADD adults live largely in shadow, staying in safe zones, where the risk of being hurt or overwhelmed is minimal. We deny ourselves experiences like those above, not because we don’t hunger for such things, but because they represent unknowns – and we are much more wary of unknowns than most people.
But it’s my observation that we do hunger for such things! We are creatures whose minds thrive on the new-and-different, hungry for the novel and unusual, never more satisfied than when something different is presented to us. The adventures that a couple can undertake together offer just this stimulation – a deeply satisfying journey for the ADD mind, before we even get to the wondrous effects that shared adventure can confer on the bond between two people who love each other.
It’s not just healthy and stimulating. It can be transformative. It made me someone new, a different kind of man than I’d ever been before.
I hope this can be the experience of every ADD adult who feels drawn to it. Here are some words to introduce the idea to a new partner or friend:
“I want us to go to places we’ve never been, see things we’ve never seen, try things we’ve never done before! I want to explore the world with you, whether it’s across the ocean or here in our own backyard. I want us to be Lewis and Clark, discovering wonders! I’m not very experienced at this, and you can bet I’ll be hesitant at times, but not because I don’t want to do it – I just feel some uneasiness when I’m faced with change. We can make this happen, together! What do you think?”
Comments